A Very Funny Piece on the Henry Transfer Saga

June 16th, 2007 | By: Laurie | 5 Comments »

Barney Ronay of Guardian Unlimited has given us a very funny satirical piece on the Thierry Henry transfer. Or non-transfer. Whatever.

(For the record, the most recent rumors seem to be linking Henry to Barcelona again and Trezeguet to Valencia. So much for rekindling that Titi-David synergy at Arsenal.)

From the piece:

Oh no. Just as we thought we’d got away with it, too. Yet again Thierry Henry’s will-he-won’t-he vacillation between fame, riches and silverware in Barcelona and fame, riches and being able to tell everyone what to do in north London has begun to gather a terrible momentum. There’s only one way to put a stop to this. Someone has to make the decision for him. Can we force Henry to move to Barcelona? Yes, I think we can. But it won’t be easy.

The first thing to take into account is that Henry is extremely fast. He may prove unusually difficult to track down and catch. Anyone desperate enough to want to end this by force is probably, like me, not quite as agile as they once were, with their vital energies sapped by years of sedentary, desk-based employment. One thing we definitely don’t need is to find ourselves dodging through the streets of N1 in pursuit of a whippet-slim professional athlete with an unreadable body swerve.

No, we need to use cunning. Rather than enforced expatriation, we need to convince Henry we’re taking him to the kind of place he might genuinely want to go. Like travelling to the launch of a new ultra-light crocodile skin Nike basketball boot in Kanye West’s supersonic fur-lined helicopter, for example.

Giggle.

Don’t worry, boys and girls. Transfer season is almost done. The insanity is almost over.

Hahaha. Just kidding. Got your hopes up, didn’t I? But in reality, stay tuned for several more months of this stuff. Because what else would I write about in the summer?

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Comments

By princedesparcs | June 18th, 2007 at 2:11 pm

Here’s a Houston Chron piece on Guadeloupe’s intriguing and wonderful run to the Gold Cup semis (written before their win v. Honduras Sunday). Could Titi, Thuram et al be in Chicago for Mexico match?

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/sports/4895194.html

Allez ‘Loupe!

Posted from United States

By Inara | June 18th, 2007 at 5:26 pm

There’s a strange rumor floating around Bolton that Arsenal is interested in Anelka should Henry leave (or even if he doesn’t!).

Posted from United States

By Laurie | June 18th, 2007 at 5:51 pm

I think that, style-wise, Anelka would be a better fit at Arsenal than at Bolton, but nobody asked me. Plus I’m SURE there are no hard feelings among Arsenal fans over the manner of his previous departure.

Now I’m going to have to dig up the old “let’s burn the bridges” quotes from Anelka about Arsenal. Hmmm… I’m getting an odd sense of deja vu here. Maybe I already posted them.

Posted from United States

By sandrahn | June 19th, 2007 at 11:51 am

Yeah, I’ve heard about the rumours. Gooners are split on Anelka. Many still think he’s the same old sulk he used to be while others are willing to put all that aside given his good form recently. And our obvious need of a killer instinct, which Anelka has in spades, enables some gooners to welcome the idea of his return.

Personally I’d love for Anelka to return (Pires too–we need older, experienced players and both have been playing pretty well in their new clubs). First, I know he’s changed. He’s just not the same difficult man he used to be. He’s converted to Islam and got married. He’s no longer under the influence of his older brother. In short, Nicky’s grown up and gotten serious.

That said, for all of Henry’s faults, I’d still be upset to see him go. But I know there’s no way he and Nicky could play in the same team. Still, I can’t see how Henry could possibly play in the same team as Eto’o. They’re good friends (Henry’s good friends with Dinho too) but they both have massive egos and can be very difficult. I don’t think their friendship would last very long.

Posted from United States

By Terry,Florida | June 21st, 2007 at 11:44 am

according to eurosport Anelka should play for Arsenal. hope Henry stays, this way when they play for France they will be the perfect duo

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