We had many wonderful years together, and our relationship was great because you knew how to score just the way I liked. But while you were away in Serie B, I had an affair with Karim Benzema, a younger man who doesn’t have any emotional baggage (yet). We’ve hit it off, and I’m sorry to say that I can’t remain faithful to you.

But just because I can’t commit doesn’t mean that I’m writing us off forever. Now that you’re back in Serie A, maybe we can get to know each other again. So no hard feelings, ‘kay?

Hugs and kisses,

French National Team